**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize