Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
