You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
