I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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