I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
