quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
