I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
