I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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