Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
