Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
