dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
