Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
