If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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