Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
