I heard we made out
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
