ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
