just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
