Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
