I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
