Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
