made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
