im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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