a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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