I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
