dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize