If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
