and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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