There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
