My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
