I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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