Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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