You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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