He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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