youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Fuck appropriateness.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize