so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
if only i could text you this smell
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
