dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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