i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
