Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
