So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The best revenge is premature balding
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
