I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
