This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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