i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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