The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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