I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
