There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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