I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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