so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
