Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
