So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
