i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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