He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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