so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
