Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
