Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
