You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Randomize
