easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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