I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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