I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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