Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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