i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
