Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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