Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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