Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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