I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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