I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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