1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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