who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
