I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
