she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
