i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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