he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
