Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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