you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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