like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
