State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize