The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How external is "for external use only"?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize