So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i think i have two assholes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
