I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
