K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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