Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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