He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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