he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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