my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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