Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
