you turned your livingroom into a bong?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
