i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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