I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
then he tried to convert me to islam
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
