areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you win again, gameday.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
