you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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