How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
