but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
