just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
