im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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