Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
