It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
