garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
