Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
