I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What a dumb baby whore.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
