i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize