I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
