So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
